TLDR; For a special, limited-time thingie I’m doing for all friends old and new reading this (ENDS tomorrow, 7/2), scroll to the end.
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There are old friends in life…
And then there’s making friends when old…
Two VASTLY different things.
Frankly, the latter is damn near impossible.
There’s a whole host of reasons why.
Adults get more conservative with age.
We get less open to new people and experiences, as a rule.
Friends move away from the Big City, even though we stay.
Or the opposite, we move somewhere else we don’t know nearly as well.
Some of us are plain crazy and move to entirely other countries.
Marry people from totally different cultures, speaking totally other languages.
Life changes us.
Hardens us, for the most part.
Kids, bills, obligations, keeping up appearances (great British Comedy show by that name, if you’re not yet familiar).
Let’s be frank.
Even if we do stay in the same city as our friends, life takes people in different directions, into different professions, life stages, income brackets and so on.
It’s truly rare when we can keep friendships going across decades, time zones, oceans and huge life changes.
Never mind, dealing with COVID, huge moves, job losses and career changes, marital status changes, heath shifts.
Even war.
All of these things used to be the stuff of novels and history books, back in college and high school, even in young adulthood.
Life is f-ing hard on most of us.
Now, these things arrive seemingly every week - even day, sometimes - with loud announcements.
Also, our sense of time changes.
We may lose some of our spring in the step, our enthusiasm for fresh starts, our tolerance for bullshit and insults from so-called “friends.”
I’m too old for this shit, we declare more and more often.
In short, with such friendship dynamics, who can still have real friends?
No hypothetical question, I’m afraid.
Plus, given how we can readily see someone’s Facebook or LinkedIN posts on demand and know how our buddies are doing.
At least, the FB/Insta/LinkedIN version of them.
We can also ping our friendies over WhatsApp or Messenger anytime.
Some even answer, shockingly enough!
Some from warzones - and even from Canada!
LOL.
I don’t know.
I’m the kind of guy who’s always calling his friends in a free moment, usually when driving somewhere or back.
Very rarely do these friends call me first.
Even the very best of them (you know who you are).
I’m totally understanding.
We all have families and jobs, even businesses, deal with all sorts of ups and downs, anti-Semitism, job loss, etc.
Whatevs, if I’m the one to check in, so be it.
But hey, if YOU want to check in first, then DO IT! LOLz.
Why I am I thinking about this subject this week?
Well, maybe it’s a different life stage or maybe it’s my new look and feel after eating almost exclusively salad and protein daily for 3 weeks with more exercise thanks to my kids (HA!)
#KiddingNotKidding
I’m trying to start a business together with a friend, with all the opportunities (and challenges) that brings.
I’m becoming closer and closer friends with someone in my community, who’s a couple years older.
Trying to keep up friendships with others in the community, with ups and downs of enthusiasm.
The guy from shul is a really interesting one.
A doctor, super open and sympathetic, from a very different background from me, but also very similar in many ways.
He’s from a Persian background, like my oldest best friend from childhood.
Had I gone to Columbia for college, we would have overlapped for a 3 years, maybe even become close friends.
He used to play violin, writes a bit, even tried out for Juilliard voice back in the day.
Sure, there are definite parallels between Russian and Iranian immigrants and their descendants.
Huge importance of family, huge emphasis on education, a very rich internal life after being repressed by brutal autocracies.
Lots of cognitive dissonance and multiple levels of meaning to everything. A big focus on aesthetics.
But most of all, just someone I can speak to, and speak to, and listen to and listen to.
He has 3 startups going and a 4th with partners, in addition to his practice.
Someone really understated, but also super intelligent, decent and understanding.
He’s I can share one of my very favorite authors with, Clarice Lispector without a second thought.
Our son and his daughter LOVE to play together, which really helps.
Our wives really get long.
It’s not supposed to be this smooth.
We’re both not really supposed to be here in Haifa.
Both should be in the capital or at least in the Center of the country, closer to the “action,” but came here because of family.
Life takes all of us on strange “detours” sometimes.
I’m almost fearful of even mentioning it, of “jinxing it.”
Friendships later in life are not supposed to be meaningful or long-lasting or profound.
Or are they, quite the opposite?
I don’t know, the verdict is still out.
Sharing books is something I LOVE doing, but have had only one other local friend really take me up on it.
I shoved one of my own authored books in his hands last time he was here, LOL.
My brothers-in-law are friends also, thank G-d (a picture of the three of us from 11 years ago just popped up as a screensaver, when they were still teenagers).
But that’s fundamentally different, because we’re family and they’re almost two decades younger than me. Gotta give it some time, they’re just starting to hit their strides in life.
So yeah, old friendships and friendships when old.
Two different animals, equally rare, equally unicorny.
My Mom used to tell me when I was a kid, even one true friend in life is an absolute treasure and rarity.
This is only rarer and more treasured with age, as I’ve found.
Nobody knows what comes and goes from here, but I’m tremendously grateful for ALL my dear friends, both old and new, young and aged, but spry.
That offer of borrowing my books stands for you, if you’re reading this.
Just show up in Haifa and look at the shelves for yourself!
And if you’ve been less than than in touch lately, friend, please do reach out!
We’re always happy to hear from friends near and far, with the forecast being sunny with a chance of rockets.
Don’t be a stranger, now.
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What the hell, why not?
Since I have your attention.
I’m doing a flash thingie (until end of day tomorrow, NO EXCEPTIONS), for all y’all friendly readers.
$500 gets you 1 of the following:
Resume + LinkedIN review and suggestions for changes ($1500 value)
Salary Negotiation (value $3-5K)
Job Search Strategy ($1K value)
2 x 1-hour coaching calls for anything you need (normally $1500)
Suggest your own need and PM me, let’s chat.
CHEERIO!